Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
