Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
