Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
