I don't usually arrange sex via text message
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
