Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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