WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
