You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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