that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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