we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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