i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
