i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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