i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
