Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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