The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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