Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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