Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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