so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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