porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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