so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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