never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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