hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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