shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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