were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
