Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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