I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
