DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before