conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways