I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.