I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".