well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?