Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
