just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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