I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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