U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also, beer. Big fan.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
