don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
