Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
