i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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