I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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