dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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