I just made out with a guy for $7.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
