is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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