Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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