I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
