im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
