I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
