i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
