Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
