So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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