What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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