At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
