Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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