what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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