yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
