i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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