there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
