my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
