I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
