Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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