please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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