Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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