If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
