why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The best revenge is premature balding
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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