I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
