all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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