i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
