I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
