I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
