Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
