Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
