I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
