K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
