if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
