Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
