He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
