you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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