Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
