he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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